


lean into my side

by wubbo



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Chronic Illness, Comfort, Crying, Death, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, More Hurt Than Comfort, One Shot, Out of Character, Sad, Spoilers, for sdr2, is the ooc tag there bc it’s actually ooc, or am I just not confident in my abilities, perhaps both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24837481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wubbo/pseuds/wubbo
Summary: Nagito is going to die. He can feel it. Hajime is tired of him running away to do it alone.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 1
Kudos: 68





	lean into my side

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those fics where I get a very vivid scene in my head. And then I have to write a whole fic that leads up to that scene. The title is from the lyrics to Divinity by Porter Robinson, which is what I was listening to as the scene cemented itself in my smooth, smooth brain. 
> 
> I don’t write a lot of fics like this where the ending isn’t happy so...I hope it’s good regardless lol

Hajime found him on the roof. He was sat at the edge, looking out at the ocean view. The wind blew his already tangled hair into an even bigger mess. As Hajime slowly stepped towards him, he seemed to sit up a bit more. He didn’t turn around to look, but he knew someone was there. He knew it could only be Hajime.

“You found me~.”

“You need to stop getting lost, Nagito.”

Nagito giggled. Hajime winced at the sound of it, having heard it in far less savory contexts. But regardless, he sat down beside Nagito, letting his legs dangle off the side of the roof. He snuck a glance. His gaze, as it so often did, went to the wrapped arm sat in Nagito’s lap. Nagito still didn’t look at him. He did, however, pull the arm closer to himself, almost self-consciously.

“Why do you keep looking for me?” he asked quietly. 

Hajime tore his eyes away so he could look at Nagito’s face. The lucky student still stared ahead. His eyes were a bit glassy looking. Distant.

“What do you mean?” Hajime asked.

“I told you last time you found me, didn’t I? I’m dead. So stop wasting time on me.”

“You’re not dead _yet_. Stop talking like that.”

“But I’m going to be.” Nagito finally twisted to face Hajime more. “I can feel it. I can’t quite explain it, but I can tell. My body’s finally giving up on me...as it should, I suppose. You’ve all dealt with me enough.”

“God, shut up! You can’t just- You’re not-!” Hajime sputtered. “You lived all this time and you think you’re suddenly gonna drop _now_? What about your luck?”

Nagito chuckled again. “I knew you wouldn’t get it...but that’s understandable.” He paused, suddenly looking thoughtful. “...You should go back to the others. Everyone was having such a wonderful time, since I finally left and all! You should be celebrating this victory of yours!”

“We _all_ should be. It’s _our_ victory.”

“I don’t need to! I got what I wanted! I can see it, Hajime! The shining hope inside you!” Hajime rolled his eyes at this, but Nagito didn’t seem to care. “You used it to get everyone out, to figure out how to wake us all! Come to think of it...all of us ‘blackened’ and ‘killed’ should’ve been long gone anyway, so I don’t get why you’re being so stubborn about me dying now!”

Hajime tugged at his hair. He was so confused, frustration bubbling up inside his chest. “What is with you? I-I thought you hated me now! The reserve student stuff, don’t you remember? I’m not...I’m not worth anything! Especially not to you!”

Nagito thought some more. Hajime hated to admit it, but in this brief pause of the conversation, he could almost see it. Within just the past few days, he could see the difference in Nagito. His already near-white skin was somehow even paler. The circles under his eyes were so dark that they looked like makeup. And he was so thin. Everything about him was ghostly looking. All the signs were pointing towards Nagito’s assumption, but Hajime didn’t want to believe it. He refused. 

“How do I put this...?” Nagito mumbled, finally breaking the silence. “...The last thing I ever expected was...to have my mind changed. About anything, frankly, but especially about...well...” He reached up to rub his temples. Hajime still felt his skin crawl when he could see that only one hand was properly able to. “...I really truly believed some people just had it and others didn’t. That people who were garbage would always be that way, ever since birth...but I should’ve guessed, huh? That a powerful hope would fix my perception? I...was never wrong about the hope I saw in you after all.” He giggled sheepishly. “But I was right about myself too. I’ll never be up there with the likes of you. How could I? I don’t even understand the force that drives me.”

“Slow down. You’re losing me again,” Hajime mumbled.

“Ah, of course...I guess all you need to know is that I could not possibly hate you anymore.” Nagito tilted his head, almost playfully. “But you probably hate me more than ever. I wouldn’t blame you for that. So I’ll ask again: why keep following me around?”

Hajime felt his knee lightly brush against Nagito’s — When did they get close enough for that to happen? — and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I...don’t hate you.” Somehow he felt shy admitting it. He also felt like a total dumbass, because how do you find anything to like about Nagito? Yet here Hajime was, constantly searching for where he’d run off to, and kind of liking that they could brush against each other again. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he tried to justify it, both in his mind and outloud. “...We all went through the same shit. I don’t...blame anyone else for what they did in the simulation. So...how could I blame you?”

Nagito blushed slightly, and his smile faltered. “Ah...How cruel, Hajime.”

“What?”

“It’s cruel to tell a dead man this kind of thing, don’t you think?”

“You’re not-!”

“I am.” Nagito had to twist around to grab Hajime’s arm with his own. His tone shifted dramatically. Any of that bizarre wistfulness he usually had was gone. “I’m trying so hard to make you believe me...but of course I can’t convince you. Could...I have no right to ask you for any favors, but...Could you just pretend to believe me for now? I don’t want to go in circles anymore.”

Hajime grit his teeth. This conversation was maddening. Every conversation with Nagito was maddening. Why did he even bother? Why did he forget that this was what Nagito was like? Why did some part of him keep wanting to try getting along with him again? He couldn’t understand.

But even if he couldn’t understand...he could pretend.

“Fine. You’re...dying. So what’s so cruel about me forgiving you? Wouldn’t you rather live without regrets like that?”

Nagito sighed. He tightened his grip on Hajime’s arm, trying to ground himself a bit as he looked for his words. “I know in my heart that I don’t deserve to, so it gives me no pleasure. And knowing that you would repress all the hate you feel towards me just to be kind hurts me far more.” He gave Hajime far too big a smile for what he was saying. “I would much rather you treat me like the dirt I am. That way I would know you’ve gotten what you wanted. I would die much happier knowing that.”

“But that’s _not_ what I want!”

“Hajime-“

“Look, if I have to pretend to believe you that you’re...that you’re practically dead already...th-then you have to pretend to believe me when I say that I like you, Nagito!”

Nagito paused. As soon as Hajime said those words, he became much more hesitant. He quickly withdrew his arm and faced away from Hajime once more, turning towards the fading sunset. He let out a small “hm”, like he was thinking very hard, and looked upwards. Hajime could only wait with baited breath for where this could possibly go next. Long silences from this loud, wordy boy gave him a bad feeling.

In the end though, he just smiled and blushed again. “Alright. I’ll play along,” he decided. “If nothing else, it’s a wonderful fantasy to play with.”

Hajime let out his breath. “Finally. All I’m saying is-“

“How much does fantasy Hajime like me?”

Hajime paused, then clenched his fists, his cheeks heating up. “D-Don’t tease me! I’m trying to-“

Nagito rolled his eyes. “I’m not teasing! Just asking a question. Can’t play a role without a script, Hajime. Would you humor me?”

“God! Okay! I like...um...”

Hajime still didn’t understand his feelings, of course, so he had no idea how to answer that. He liked Nagito, but saying he only liked him a little felt wrong. He did like him quite a bit. But to say it was a lot would feel wrong too, because he still couldn’t exactly trust the guy. He just had this gut feeling when Nagito was around. Part of him still interpreted it as ‘don’t let him out of your sight just in case he does something’. But then there was also a side that said, ‘If you don’t talk to him one last time, you’re going to regret it’.

He hated that voice in his head at the moment. He was still supposed to just be pretending to think Nagito was going anywhere.

Finally, he settled on what he thought was a good enough response. “I like you enough that I don’t want to believe you’re dying. And I like you enough that you’re the one I want to talk to right now out of everyone in our class. Is...Is that enough?”

Nagito shivered. He mumbled, “...Hajime likes me.” Then he shut his mouth tight.

They sat in silence for a little bit after that. Hajime wanted to break that silence, but its atmosphere was thick. Something about what he’d just said was weighing on them. He couldn’t quite place it. Nagito seemed to understand it a bit more, as he continued to fidget and shake. His expression became unreadable.

Then, all of a sudden, Hajime felt a soft weight on his side, and realized Nagito was leaning against him. His head nestled onto Hajime’s shoulder, thick white hair tickling his neck. He couldn’t keep his face from turning bright pink in surprise. 

“You really are cruel.” 

Hajime stayed silent. Nagito had more to say, he could tell. It didn’t come for another minute or so, but Hajime still waited patiently, staring at the wiry frame that just invaded his space. 

“Has Gundham ever told you about dogs? I mean, in the way they sometimes try to hide away before their time is up? I’m guessing it’s to minimize the trouble for their owners in some way. Or maybe it’s just because they feel weak and want to protect themselves. I don’t really understand it. But that seemed like what I should be doing.”

Hajime didn’t let himself think too hard about what he wanted to do or say. Having such a dark conversation..his brain switched to autopilot. He wrapped an arm around Nagito and pulled him in as tightly as he could. Now it finally settled in that he was going to be gone, and Hajime wasn’t ready to let go yet. “You kept leaving to...?”

“Just to avoid inconveniencing you all! I thought it was pretty obvious. But...cruel, cruel Hajime...you’ve really made me think you care for me. I should be running even farther.”

“I’d just chase you again.”

Nagito laughed. “You would. But that’s the horrible thing about it all. I’m not running away at all anymore.”

“I kinda noticed.”

“Yeah...I’m human trash, but...I’m still human, I suppose, and humans don’t like loneliness. But that’s what would be best for everyone, is if I stayed lonely. I tricked myself into thinking it’s what I want. But now you’ve caught me like this, and I’m just...I’m just being so selfish. I’m being selfish because of those wonderful words, Hajime.” He tilted his head so he could stare into Hajime’s eyes. He smiled. “I don’t want to die alone.”

Hajime held Nagito even tighter. “You won’t. I’m right here.”

Nagito giggled and sobbed until he didn’t have anything left inside him, leaving him hiccuping weakly against Hajime’s side. Hajime couldn’t understand how much this boy was hurting. He wasn’t going to pretend to. But no matter how much that pain grew, no matter how bad it got, Hajime had just committed himself to sticking around. He wasn’t sure if it was the smart choice to make, but as Nagito gripped at his shirt for dear life, and as his chest ached with compassion for this person despite everything, he felt it was the right one.

**Author's Note:**

> “you see right through me”


End file.
